BW: Good evening.
Jamie. Thirty-four. Likes Pie. No last name. Jamie is the highest grossing box-office star of our generation, and also has seven multi-platinum albums under his belt. His most recent album, "Where'd That Mole Come From?" is his biggest seller yet, selling a whopping 8 million copies in its first day. I sat down with this triple-threat (Yes! He dances too!) for an interview recently. Let's hear more from The Man.
The Magic.
The Mystery.
The Multi-talented.
Jamie.

BW: Good evening, Jamie.

J: Good evening Barbara! You're not gonna make me cry are ya?

BW: I hope not. I never intend to cause tears to fall. It just happens.

J: Good.

BW: How old are you, Jamie?

J: *sobs* I'm thirty-four! Oh I promised I wasn't gonna do this. Give me a minute please...

BW: Sure.

J: Yodel-ay-hee-hoooooo!

BW: Where did that come from?!

J: It's something my nanny taught me. If you yodel, all sad things go away.

BW: Okay, that's a little odd... You have the number one album on the Billboard charts, and seven multi-platinum albums under your belt. To what do you attribute this success?

J: I'm humble, Barbara. It takes so much to be the world's most awesome entertainer, ever! It takes practice to be this perfect. I'm beautiful, and I want to share that beauty with ugly people everywhere who want to be beautiful like me because they're ugly. Beauty is the cure for ugly. Ugliness makes beauty ugly. Ugh.

BW: Your concert is sold-out in every state except Hawaii. Why do you think that is?

J: Hawaii didn't sell out? Well, that might have something to do with something I said that I probably shouldn't have about the inhabitants of Hawaii's sixteen islands.

BW: What did you say?

J: I said they were a bunch of smelly, pineapple lovin' Hawaiians.

BW: Oh my.

J: Listen, Barbara. I never meant to hurt those people's feelings. If they took that the wrong way, all I can do is move on... They actually smell like coconut and pork.

BW: If you were a tree, what color would your trunk be?

J: Hmm. Good question. I'd have to say, tree-trunk brown.

BW: Do you warm up before your concerts?

J: Shall I show you? (shows her)

BW: That's impressive.

J: Thanks, Babs.

BW: Don't call me that.

J: Okay, Babs.

BW: Please.

J: I'm sorry!

BW: How would you describe your life right now?

J: Well, Babs -- I'd have to say, perfect! I have a new film coming out this summer to theaters nationwide, and opening in limited-release in Hawaii. One theater, I think.

BW: What's it about?

J: Oh, it's an autobiographical piece.

BW: About you?

J: It's autobiographical, Barbara -- you silly goose! You know that means it's about cars!

BW: Hmmm-kayyyy.

J: Sheesh.

BW: I read in People magazine that you now have a stalker.

J: I do! I like to call her, "Muffy".

BW: Where did you come up with that name?

J: Well, she sends me pictures of her... Maybe I'd better shut up now.

BW: No. The audience would like to know. I would like to know.

J: She sends me pictures of her own fresh-baked muffins -- okay? Blueberry, apple-cinnamon, bran -- you name it.

BW: Muffins? I thought you were gonna say that she sent pictures of her pussy
cat, and she named it "Muffy".

J: Now that's just sick!

BW: So you dance. Would you like to show me some moves?

J: Not really. I'm saving my energy for my next show. It takes a lot of energy to sit.

BW: Final question. What's to come for 'Jamie'.

J: Let me quote a famous saying, and also the title of my latest hit -- to answer that question. "The future's so bright -- I gotta wear sunglasses."

BW: I don't think that's how it goes.

J: I think I know the title of my own song.

BW: I meant the saying. Now let me finish with a 'saying': You are an amazing human being.

J: I know. I'll remember that for as long as I can. Thanks, Babs.

BW: Don't call me that.

BW: So you see, ladies and gentlemen -- Jamie is not so different from you or I. He's a movie star, a recording artist, and a dancer. I think.
He's Jamie. The artist. And his future's so bright, he's gotta wear shades.

J: Sunglasses, Babs!

BW: Fucker.